Its hard to live knowing the person you care about will never care about you the way you do them.
It feels like a part of you is dying slowly on the inside and no matter what you try to do, you can't get rid of that feeling. The pain is blinding.
I can make it stop if I try real hard, it is getting to the trying part that is something I am afraid to do, but I have to. I can't keep feeling the way I do about someone who can never feel the same way about me, no matter what. My heart is too weak and fragile and I know I will just get severely broken down, even more so than I am now.
If lives could be different, than maybe this wouldn't hurt so much.
If life was fair I would be able to forget what I feel for him, but I can't.
Nothing else is the same now, and nothing is different either. I can't explain how he's changed me.
Once I was ready to die just because I was sick. Now, I was ready to live because he asked me to, and I will keep that promise to him, but I don't think I can stay by his side anymore knowing he can never care about me the way I care for him. I have to try to divorce myself from my feelings, pretend nothing is there at all. Then maybe, just maybe I can be his friend, or be there when he needs me. I know if I try that right now it will only cause me more pain and I will become the person I hate again.
I think I have to tell him the truth, maybe it is goodbye, either way I need him to know what's going on and I'll let him know this: I just want him to be happy, so whatever that means, whatever I have to do to help him with that I will.
Even if it kills me, because what Mom said was right.
When you care about someone, their happiness is the most important thing in the world.
Gotta go. The doctor needs to check my bullet wound.
I still can't hate Rufus even after he shot me. I know it was my own fault, but he makes me afraid of him now. So why do I still care about him so much, even when it is only killing me inside?
Current Music: Love Cost- Cassie Steele